"Parenting Tips"

Guidelines for Good

Parent/Child

Communication

Parents often wish there children came with an instructions manual. One issue that parents face every day is communication: what’s the best way to talk to kids? Licensed social worker and president of daniel, Jim Clark, gives some insight about kids, parents, and communication.

Basic Guidelines on Communicating with Kids:

·        One of the most important things is to make the time to talk with them in the first place. Life can get hectic, so make sure you set aside time for this even if it’s in the car on the way to school or while you’re cooking dinner.

·        Second, be a good listener. Listen to everything from the heavy stuff like drugs or sex to everyday things like schoolwork. If your kids know you are a good listener, then they are more likely to talk to you. Turn off the television and avoid taking phone calls during discussions.

·        Finally, don’t interrupt. That will make your child feel like you’re not listening. Even if you think you know what they’re going to say, give them a little more time to explain.

Pointers on Communicating with Tougher Topics Like Drugs and Alcohol:

·        Again, as with any discussion with your child, make time for it. But beforehand, whether you are talking to them about drugs, alcohol or sex, do your research. Go online and read up on the topic or even see if there are pamphlets in your doctor’s office. That way you really know what you’re talking about and if your child doesn’t want to discuss the subject, you can offer him the information or articles you found to read.

·        Next, avoid confrontation about the topic. Don’t convene a family meeting specifically to talk about it. That could alienate a child or make him feel pressured. Instead, present the topic in a way to make your child feel that you are exploring the topic together.

·        For example, say you and a colleague discussed a troubling situation. Share that conversation with your child and ask what he thinks instead of offering your opinion first.

What Parents Can Keep in Mind When Answering Their Child’s Questions:

Parents need to make sure that use open-ended responses that do not convey evaluation or judgment, which can be referred to as “door openers.” The opposite, which parents should avoid, are “door slammers.” Door slammers make your child feel like you do not want to have a conversation and can even make him feel guilty for asking something in the first place.

An example of a door opener is “That’s a good question.” An example of a door slammer is “That’s none of your business.”

How To Handle It If You and Your Child Disagree on Something

·        Work on softening your reactions even if you strongly disagree or disapprove of what your child says. If you react with hostility, he may decide to stop sharing his thoughts and opinions with you.

·        In many business and social settings, parents have to deal with disagreements. In many cases, you have to “agree to disagree.” You can use that same philosophy with your child. Instead of arguing about how he is right, tell them that you respect their opinion, but you feel differently.

·        But remember, if you do feel differently — especially if it’s on an important topic like drug or alcohol use, it’s your right and responsibility to stand your ground. Let them know you have truly heard them, but disagree and that you are the parent and you expect them to follow your guidelines.

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